Can't keep your toes on the nose? Sick of slipping and sliding? Follow our guide and discover how to endow your board with super sticky bumps…

Requirements: 1 board, 1 block of wax, a wax comb and a copy of The Karate Kid to help you learn the wax on – wax off kata…

STEP 01: Wax Selection

Choosing the correct type of wax is critical to the successful completion of the task at hand. If you surf mainly cold water breaks then you’re gonna need cold water wax. It’s a lot harder than warm water wax but doesn’t freeze up and loose traction in cold water.

Conversely if you surf warmer water then you’ll need warm water wax, it’s pretty sticky and won’t melt into a soft paste when exposed to warm water and sunshine.

We’ll let you choose the brand – but will say that we tend to favour Mrs. Palmers. It smells great, has kinky packaging and also provides the best traction, consistency and staying power – heck, I’ve still got some on one of my boards after two years!

STEP 02: Wax Removal

If your board already has an old coat of wax then we’d advise you to strip it. This is also true if you’re planning on surfing in a different climate to what you’re usually accustomed to – mixing cold and warm water wax isn’t a good idea.

Start by leaving your board in the sun for around 15 – 30 minutes. You want the wax to soften up but not running down your board as this makes more of a mess and will take longer to remove.

When the wax is nice and soft, you’ll want to start scraping it off. Personally I like to use an old plastic paint scraper – it’s soft enough to scrape the top of your board without leaving scratch marks.

If you haven’t got one handy then you can use a firm piece of carboard, a wax comb or even a plastic milk carton or soda bottle cut into a wadge shape.

It’s quite a simple process, start at the top and work your way down to the bottom, removing peels of old wax and rolling them into a ball – freak your girlfriend out by telling her it’s a booger ball!

Once you’ve removed all the wax you can optionally use a soft cloth and some turpentine or methylated spirits to remove the residue from your board but we have found that this residue does provide a nice base coat for applying a new layer.

STEP 03: Foot Placement

Map out your foot placement by assuming your surfing stance next to the board. Note how far up the deck you place your front foot, it’ll save you wax and reputation – there’s nothing worse than full deck waxing, especially if you surf in a wetsuit and the dark rubber turns your shining white wax job into a polluted snow field.

STEP 04: The Base Coat

Apply a base coat of wax by gently stroking the block of wax on the UPPER DECK of your board from the tail to a point about fifteen centimeters above your front foot placement.

We say wax the upper deck because – Ripley’s believe it or not – some people have waxed the bottom of their boards!!! Damn snowboarders, you’re in the ocean now!

STEP 05: The Top Coat

Apply multiple layers wax where your foot placement would be – more layers equal mightier mounds for the best grip around. Apply the wax in either a circular motion or a cross-hatch pattern (diagonally across the board followed by another coat in the perpendicular direction)

You should alternate the pressure you apply to each layer. Once you have a decent amount of wax on the board a gentler pressure can help to raise the bumps – it’s quite a tactile art, you’ll feel if you’re applying too much pressure – the goal is to form raised bumps as the final layer.

STEP 06: Comb Those Mounds

Grab your wax comb and gently give your new coat of wax a brushing – some people like Mohawks, others Mohicans – use whatever style suits you best! You can even pluck some chest hairs and stick ‘em in; when your friends ask tell them you had the sickest baggie session ever…

Points to keep in mind

Try not to wax too far over your rails, by this we mean don’t wax the side of your board – it’ll increase the surface friction and drag and may cause you to bog a rail – much to the disgust of the girls you’re trying to impress on the beach.

Although the wax smells damn good - it’s best if you don’t eat it. Don’t ask me why… something to do with it getting stuck in your gut, I have however been known to leave teeth marks in a fresh block of wax, I just can’t resist paddling out with a nice ball of wax stuck in my teeth, I have swallowed it and I’m still alive but just because I do it, doesn’t mean you should!

Some people prefer to wax the entire deck area and others prefer to wax only where their feet go. Waxing the entire deck provides extra grip while paddling and help pluck all those unsightly chest hairs when bagging surfing – we’d recommend full deck waxing for beginners who aren’t sure where their feet go and have trouble staying on their boards while paddling.

As a last resort you can try waxing the inner arch and souls of your feet – we’re not sure how the hell you’d do it but swear that even Andy Irons does it…

On a final note we’d like to tell you not to dwell on the packaging of any of Mrs. Palmers wax products - it’ll make you loose sight of your intended purpose on the beach and you may be forced to walk along the shoreline with a suspicious bulge in your wettie!