Sexy is back and so is summer and that means bikinis, braais and babes as well as those evening sessions that last until 9pm followed by tropical drinks at beach front hang outs where sanity slips away quicker than your budget.

We’ve put together 10 Summer Essentials to help get you through the all madness, here they are in no particular order:

It’s a damn good idea to invest in a pair or two of good board shorts, don’t be shy to spend a bit here, remember you’re gonna be living in them and those summer days are pretty long…

So you’ve got the boardshorts and you’re looking cool, to use the old cliché: your future’s so bright you gotta wear shades. Make sure they have wide frames and dark lenses… how else you gonna spot them summer honeys in between sessions? …oh they also apparently protect your eyes from harmful ultraviolet rays. Just make sure you take them off in the club and whatever you do, don’t get the variety that changes the tint in bright light, you’re better off wearing leg warmers.

Slip slops, plakkies, sandals, strops or what ever it is you wanna call them, these guys are on our essential list, they’re the closest thing to bare feet and help protect your soles from bubble gum, broken glass and chicken bones. By the way, don’t forget to cut your toenails.

Duh, this one is so obvious even a brick should know about it but you’ll be surprised how many people forget one. There’s nothing worse than some bloke coming up to you and asking if he can borrow your towel. No dude, I dry my butt with this, get your own. On another note make sure you get a big clean one, it’s perfect for those intimate moments at the end of a sun-filled day, be sure you’ve got some protection though.

Speaking of protection, let’s change the topic to something of major importance: Protection from the sun.

This should in fact be number one on our list but we know people would rather look cool than be safe, seriously, the sun has been getting progressively worse over the years, please make sure you protect yourself in at least one of the ways below:

Use it damn it, anything with SPF 40 or more, even Allan Donald knew this, hell if you feel stupid with white paste on your face imagine how stupid you’re gonna feel without a face. Preferably use a water-resistant sun block and re-apply said lotion every 30 – 60 minutes, at least it’s another excuse to size up that topless babe every time you leave the water.

Whatever floats your boat on this one, be it a cap, straw hat, Stetson, beanie, beret or beaver tail, just put something on your melon. Heck you can even wear it in the water and save your scalp from torture.

This one’s more for the ladies but still vitally important, just because you’re protected doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be. Spend the cash you thrifty bastard it’ll also stop other okes from checking out your chick… need we say more?

All righty then, you’ve applied the lotion, some magic potion and now you’re getting ready to hit the ocean, let’s face it though, summer is often characterized by smaller swell and a ton more wind, so how do we overcome these changes?

Your summer stick should be a bit shorter and a little bit wider than your winter stick, dudes, we’re talking about your board not broad here, find another excuse to dump your girlfriend. In summer you’re gonna need something to help get you through the wind swell and summer slop along the South African coast line.

Get yourself a nice thin comp leash, it may look like a limp piece of spaghetti but this is the equation: thinner = less drag = more speed, it also comes in handy when you need to whip that oke checking out your chick because you didn’t buy that umbrella, we told you so.

These come in different variations: Sex Wax, Mrs. Palmers, Sticky Bumps… Ear Wax? You choose what’s best for your stick but my personal favourite smells like coconut… oh how I love the smell of coconut.

Well there you have it, ten fingers, ten toes and ten essentials for the way summer goes! It's out there, and you should be too! Take care of yourselves; and each other…

By Clint Boost and Mister M